...manned by a demonic Driver Gosling deposited our heroes in the midst of a great and terrible swamp. The land of Florida was a new place of thick smelly mud, strange gurgling sounds, and disgusting little tardigrades. Furn and Pappy felt right at home. Rolling and tumbling through the mud, they spent the first several minutes after their arrival in complete orgasmic ecstasy while Delle and Baja simply stared. You freaks, the mud seemed to whisper as half the party became so covered in mud they were practically unrecognizable. Delle was not enjoying herself. After an unforgivable amount of time, the party set off to find and eliminate the King of Texas.
A short while into their trek through the moist soil and slimy waters of the Florida swamp, the party was attacked by two gelatinous cubes! Unfortunately for these slimy bois, our favorite batch of rebels slew them quickly, even with Pappy getting temporarily eaten and acid burnt. After a short rest, the group set off again into the wetlands. Soon enough, the trees began to shift. The canopy was slowly taken over by an abundance of treehouse-like structures. High in the trees, these vaulted huts slowly grew into a whole network of rope bridges, buildings, and connected platforms.
Suddenly there was a voice that shouted down from the canopy. “Who’s there?” it questioned, “Y’all here to kill the King of Texas?” The directness of the question confused the band of misfits. They affirmed their intentions and were invited off the wet floor of the swamp into the lofty branches by Mara, an Elf, who offered her hospitality for the night. Breakfast came at six o’clock in the morning, and the kind Mara baked smoking hot swamp cakes from dirt and moss. They were hard and brittle, breaking easily under the hands of her guests. One by one, our adventurers tried the swamp delicacy and introduced themselves in full to Mara, the elven ranger. Pappy and Furn adored the cakes and ate them with gusto. Baja was triggered by the cakes, which somehow allowed him to share a sepia hallucination with the group. Mara noted the need for less shrooms in the recipe. Delle politely tried the swamp cake as well, but was disgruntled by the ingredients and didn’t find them all too appetizing. When Mara’s turn to introduce herself came, she revealed her life as a poor Floridian and railed at the injustices the King of Texas had wrought on her land. The “King” had also killed Mara’s parents- this mission was personal for her.
With stomachs full of shrooms, dirt, and moss, the new team set off to topple the oil tycoon that had wreaked havoc on the region. Traveling farther into the city, the group witnessed abject poverty. The town was physically built like a pyramid, with the impoverished as the foundation. A small child begged the party for any sort of charitable donation, to which Belle responded by giving the child some gold (The boy promptly tried to eat the coins). Malnourishment was rampant, and the party was only further motivated to assassinate the King and restore balance to the city.
Finally the party reached the middle tier of the city- the locality’s main plaza. Here were four shops but, before they could investigate, they saw a bulletin.
mina note: put the gator pic here. doo hoo hoo
This provided the perfect way for the Focussed Group to access their target, and it was quickly decided that they needed to find presents for the party. Glancing around the plaza, they saw four shops, a Fantasy Williams-Sonoma™, Fantasy Adidas™, Fantasy GNC™, and a small restaurant specializing in swamp dogs. With a little commotion that luckily went unnoticed, Delle, Furn, Pappy, and Mara broke into the shops to steal presents for the King’s party while Baja stood watch. Slipping out of his grubby clothes, Pappy donned a tracksuit while stealing a pair of size 5 sneakers and the most obnoxiously large Ninja blender he could find. Delle grabbed a single-egg frying pan, Furn snatched a blender big enough to fit Pappy in, and Mara stole some erectile dysfunction pills (hoping to poison the king. The party also snagged some swamp dogs on their way out of the plaza, which made Delle sick.
Departing from the plaza, The Focussed Group was hit by a group of three thieves, who in a flash stole their presents for the King! Not the adventurers to allow blatant disrespect, they immediately chased the (definitely in need but still) assholes. Furn cast Entanglement, successfully rooting one suspect to the ground as Pappy unsuccessfully tried to wrap up another. Luckily, Pappy’s intervention did force the dillhole to drop some of the presents which were happily reclaimed. After a brief interrogation of the trapped thief, the group learned that the other thieves had taken the items to the lower quarter. After remarking that life would be easier if the gang these thieves belonged to had left an obvious sign over their hideout, they were greeted with a urine-stained cardboard sign outside the door of a pub in the lower quarter that read,
mina note 2: i dont even fucking know anymre man
The party, being highly intelligent and having never ventured into a drainage tunnel to shout the word, “PENIS”, only to flee violently at the possible sighting of a maybe snake, saw through the feeble attempts of the gang. Mara put on the alligator cloak of the entangled thief and fooled the bouncer, allowing the party inside. The room was hardly the picture of a bustling pub. Behind the counter was a bartender, with a lone man sitting at the bar drowning his sorrows in a tumbler of swamp bourbon. Scattered around the room were three more patrons, sipping their drinks slowly and contemplating the absolute insignificance of their lives as swamp bandits. Surveying the dingy tavern, the group found what they had come for: all their stolen presents and others sitting on the shelves behind the bar.
Mara tried to sneak past the bartender to grab the presents but was caught by his eagle-like vision. Luckily the alligator cloak-toting Ranger was able to deceive the man- she had only been looking for a lost contact. Just then, Baja cast Mage Hand, with which he lit the lonely man’s glass of swamp bourbon and sent it crashing into his face. Furn came in for a knockout punch but missed, whiffing the air in front of the poor man’s head. Our little troll then completed the man’s humiliation by pantsing him. As the other men joined the quickly evolving barfight, Pappy sent an unarmed strike into one of the patron's torso, knocking him back. Delle, who had luckily remained unseen, used her own Mage Hand to grab one of the stolen items just as Mara stood and drew her two shortswords. Dual wielding, she quickly knocked him unconscious with the flats of her blades. Furn, Baja, and Pappy continued to battle the half-drunken bandits as our feline Taxabi sneaked away to the door to deposit the gift for later. Not a second later, one of the fighting customers was thrown through the front window and out of the battle. Hardly thirty seconds later, the fight was over. Only the sad, pantless man and the barkeep remained alive.
Jolly with bloodsport, our merry murdering misfits traipsed from the bar, having gained a teddy bear as a spoil of battle from the stack of stolen gifts. Now it was the King’s turn.
The party faced no resistance walking into the castle for the king’s birthday, however they were greeted with a somewhat disturbing sight: a decrepit old man seated at a long banquet table piled high with rotting food. On each side of the old man an enormous red and black lizard creature feasted on the decomposing food. Baja immediately attempted to make friends with these lizards, to no avail. The party was greeted with a simple, yet cheerful “Guests! What’d you get me for my birthday?” Mara made no effort to contain her rage, a rage that wasn’t helped by Bungalow Jim not even remembering slaughtering Mara’s family. The elderly king, even with his magical lizard daggers, was no match for the party. After quickly dispatching his human form, the party had to reckon with the half reptile-half human monstrosity that now stood where the king’s body fell. But even this monstrosity was no match for Mara seeking justice. With one final stab of her short swords, the monster fell, and the party secured their second sustaining artifact: the Alligator Knives.