...there were four adventurers who answered a simple Craigslist ad. In a small and dimly tavern on the edge of a vast desert, they met for the first time. They gathered together awkwardly around a rickety table to introduce themselves. There was Delle, a Taxabi, who excelled in sorcery and was a lucrative late-night streamer. Pappy, a horny micro-troll berserker with a penchant for rage, introduced himself to the group by showing off his chastity belt and speaking broken (yet charming) Common. Furn, the half Orc Druid, expressed her love for mud and other freaky things. The fourth member of this rag-tag team was Baja, a Dragonborn and untalented bard who played the bagpipes at inopportune moments. After their small talk, they confirmed what they knew of their mission: they were to capture the one known as “Sparrow."
Immediately after their introductions, Baja challenged a lutist to a musical duel and failed miserably. Delle, Furn, and Pappy turned their attention to a group of shady-looking bird people who had been annoyed by the terrible bag-pipery and seemed out of place in the tavern. The birds spoke in hushed tones and their watchful eyes darted around the bar, looking for signs of eavesdroppers. Since the party was looking for a “Sparrow”, they decided (with explicitly racist undertones) to approach the group of bird-people and ask them what they knew. It was then that Pappy the Troll decided to saunter over and make them uncomfortable with their own sexualities. The initial conversation was very one-sided, with the birds blocking every attempt by the party to intrude on their conversation. After a failed charming spell by Delle, the group of bird persons was officially spooked and fled the tavern into the desert. After a slight nudge by the hand of fate, our adventurers sped off into the desert after them. Pappy’s camel carried the little troll and Delle the Taxabi, while Baja shifted into his Primordial form (previously only used for tail-sucking) and carried Furn the half-Orc. It should be noted here that the camel was overjoyed to finally have a use greater than providing lubrication for Pappy’s chafing chastity belt.
After following the bird-people for several hours, the party came across their hideout: a small cave hidden by a large sand dune. Outside the cave were posted two sentries, bird people the party had not seen before. After a failed attempt at distracting the guards with a lacking rendition of “Go Your Own Way” by Fleetwood Mac, the party was forced to attack. Upon slaying one guardsmen, however, the group was able to intimidate the other into leading the adventurers into the hideout. At daggerpoint, the group filed behind the guardsman into the cave where they stumbled upon another birdsman and someone who appeared to be a bandit superior. These bandits appeared to guard a large locked door, and were waiting for the Sparrow to leave in order to ambush her. After a brief dialogue and nearly another violent encounter, Baja was able to quietly cast a spell from which the party learned the door was just an illusion. After a weirdly tense moment in which the group simply walked through the door, the Craigslist team managed to squeak by the bandits and arrive at the center of the hideout where they met their target: the Sparrow.
It was revealed that Sparrow had been hiding from the bandits. They had discovered her whereabouts, after which she had been forced to cast countermeasures to keep them at bay. She stressed the importance of her escape and asked the adventurers to aid her return back to the resistance camp- she had vital information and needed to ensure its delivery. The adventurers agreed and they set about their way. With the cave collapsing behind them and Delle getting conked on the head by falling rock, the party made a daring escape out of the frying pan and into the fire. Upon reaching the outside of the cave, the group was met with another foe that nearly defeated them. If it hadn’t been for their new ally- who cast a teleportation spell- they certainly would have met their demise.
They awoke in a strange and dilapidated castle courtyard. After Sparrow and the party had collected themselves, the spy uttered those famous words: “Welcome to the Resistance.”