...since the Focussed Group had first set foot in the Kingdom of Knowledge. Now with the illusion destroyed and Da Worm in their possession, the party returned to the Focus Group, accompanied by Sparrow and Driver. The situation back at the castle was coming to a head as refugees from across Fuckburg crowded for space and resources, displaced from the very homes the Focussed Group had tried to save.
The gravity of their current situation was lost on the party, however, who had just gotten back from a detour in the quaint village of Ice Hole. The town’s tourist trap charm was so appealing, so earnest, that the Focussed Group had no choice to believe that its close to six inhabited buildings and single attraction (the Ice Hole) held some sort of sinister secret. Unfortunately, despite all their investigating (Pappy interrogating the mayor, Furn flying into the Ice Hole as a bat, and Baja throwing a cloaca beer at an innocent if rude woman), the party only made it out with a menagerie of cheap, kitschy souvenirs for Boblin, the best little guy in all Fuckburg. Boblin adored his gifts and was overjoyed at his friends’ return.
Upon their return from Ice Hole, the party realized they had been kept in the dark for the entirety of their employment under the Queen. They neglected to mention Da Worm to their sovereign but disclosed its existence to Sparrow, who called a secret meeting that night. Baja, Delle, Furn, Mara, and Pappy arrived to find Diana, Driver, Mud, Boblin, and Sparrow waiting for them. The Focus Group employees shared what they knew: the Sustaining Artifacts were not what they seemed to be, and their removal from the Empire’s henchmen was having a destabilizing effect on reality itself. Furthermore, Delle revealed the message she had received with the mysterious neon lipstick, revealing it to be an invitation from Kiku Matsume, boss of the Catsuka crime syndicate and Delle’s ex-girlfriend, to Lucia, capital of the Kingdom of Light, a realm of eternal partying.
Together, the Focussed Group and their allies hatched a plan: in order to discover the truth about the world, they would infiltrate this party, interrogate Kiku, and find out what the Queen had been keeping from them. In order for this mission to work, however, they would have to slip away surreptitiously. Though each of their allies volunteered to journey to Lucia with them, the party chose to bring Driver along.
Before they could set out, the adventurers would need disguises. Sparrow debriefed the Focussed Group on the reigning philosophy of the rave kingdom, PLUR: Peace, Love, Unity, and Respect. With those tenets in mind, the party started their makeover. Baja chose a massive cloak made entirely of fox tails, complete with a hat; Delle rocked a David Byrne-style giant boxy suit made of shimmering azure nylon; Furn gravitated towards a pair of cybergoth pants and a revealing FILA cropped hoodie; Mara donned a glittering disco ball-esque skirt and crystalline crop top, her hair done up in buns; and Pappy, remembering his tenure as a male model in the woods outside the castle, selected a mesh top, a photorealistic nude man chest crop top underneath, stunna shades, and enormous platform heels, leaving his chastity belt out for all of Fuckburg to see.
The Focussed Group was kitted out and ready to go! They met Driver (wearing leather straps and a thong under his classic jacket) at the Focus Group’s stables and began the long ride East towards Lucia, located within a lone black mountain. Within a few days, riding at full speed, the Focussed Group finally came within sight of the Kingdom of Light and the immense line to get into the party, stretching out for miles. Leaving their horses at the stables, the party queued up. As the Focussed Group made their way down the line, they realized they were one invitation short now that Driver had joined them. Thinking quickly, Furn used her Wild Shape to transform into a worm, prompting Pappy to put her in his chastity belt. The bouncer was none the wiser and admitted the dripped-out, swagged-out adventurers into Lucia. A dazzling neon lightshow greeted the party, deafening trance beats tempting them further into the citywide celebration. Each member of the Focussed Group received candy bracelets that could be exchanged for currency; almost as soon as they entered the city proper, everyone was presented with “party favors,” brightly-colored pills and tabs that caused the neon dragons and hypnotic music to take on lives of their own.
The hypnotic lights and sounds brought the Focussed Group to the epicenter of the action, surrounding a large circular stage occupied by several tabaxi goons in suits, most likely Catsuka enforcers. As drug-addled and spaced-out as she was, Delle recognized the next person to walk on stage instantly. Kiku Matsume, her hair done up in buns and her blazer cut open to reveal a massive koi back tattoo, began working the crowd, hyping them up to thunderous cheering. Kiku was there to make an example of someone who had been harshing the vibe, an elf being held by the Catsuka. In an instant, Kiku activated glowing hardlight claws and slashed at the elf's neck, spraying the enchanted crowd with blood. Baja, who was still somewhat conscious, stood horrified, and Furn cast dispel magic, attempting to lift the spell on the partygoers. All at once the crowd noticed the blood and panicked, prompting a violent reaction from the Catsuka. Kiku smiled devilishly at Delle, seemingly overjoyed she had made it to the party. Before Kiku could confront the party, however, smoke began to pour across the stage, and the Focussed Group was kidnapped, taken swiftly away from the danger.
The party had been rescued (temporarily) by the Obsidian Tigers, a revolutionary group with plans to take down Kiku and redistribute her wealth across the Kingdom of Light. Their leaders, a half-elf named Oober and a half-orc named Doober who were in gay love, admonished the Focussed Group for the collapses that had taken place in Petra and Arbor. In exchange for their freedom, Doober explained, the party would help the Obsidian Tigers free the kingdom without causing the city to dissolve into black goo. Without any other options, the Focussed Group agreed, and were assigned to take down Kiku's communication tower while the Tigers attacked the docks where the Catsuka received shipments. Having begrudgingly accepted their mission, the Focussed Group decided to head for Kiku's obsidian palace beforehand to try and get some information.
Upon arriving at the palace, an impossibly sleek pyramidal megalith, Pappy immediately tried a sexy dance to persuade the guards to let them inside. While incredibly effective, the guards were instructed to let the party in anyway, as they were Kiku's guests of honor. Kiku herself received the party openly, sneering at their ignorance, before dropping some real cryptic lines and heel-turning, ejecting the adventurers from her castle. With no more leads to go on and the drugs wearing off, the party headed for the communications tower.
Right away the party could see the tower was locked down tight, its main door accessible only through a keypad. First, the group debated whether or not they could break a window or scale the walls; eventually, Baja stepped up and managed to guess the password. The Focussed Group's victory was cut short when the tower's two-factor authentication kicked on, and the dragonborn was thrust into a DDR security machine. Baja danced the night away while his coworkers cheered him on, the rhythm carrying him to new heights never before reached, until he missed a step and the alarm sounded. Baja broke the window and the party ascended the tower in an elevator with Kiku's security forces hot on their heels. When they reached the top, the Focussed Group was met with several ghouls and a screaming flameskull that instantly blasted a fireball into the elevator. A fierce fight ensued, and the Focussed Group, though bloodied, eventually triumphed.
While the rest of the party caught their breath, Driver set to work hacking into the communications systems, preparing a broadcast. Pappy, his third-person speech mysteriously vanished, took the mic and delivered a heartfelt plea as the constant music stopped, begging the inhabitants of Lucien to try to remember before the Empire, to look past the celebration at the truth of their city. There was silence for a moment, and bright light as the neon faded; the filth of the city had been revealed, stained by refuse and blood, old and fresh. Panic erupted and spread throughout the city, and seemingly in response, Kiku's palace came alive, emitting black lightning that snaked across the city and began vaporizing innocent bystanders. The Focussed Group could see swirling, smoky forms tearing through the crowd. Driver shot out a window and Furn assumed the form of a giant eagle, carrying the party across the city to Kiku. Before they could get far, a bolt of black lightning struck Furn and the party began to plummet to the ground. Baja, thinking quickly, morphed into his primordial form and coiled into a spring, letting the party bounce and land safely.
The Focussed Group was now caught in the middle of the chaos, and they elected to sneak by any smoke monsters they saw. Unfortunately, Driver's uncharacteristic carelessness brought the attention of one of the monsters, which attacked. Despite its elemental absorption powers, the smoke monster quickly realized the Focussed Group was made up of merciless psychopaths who loved chopping things up and destroying and killing things.
Their enemy quickly dispatched, the Focussed Group made it to the palace and found Oober and Doober waiting for them. After Oober gave the party their health and spell slots back, they pushed their way inside. A hologram of Kiku awaited them, beckoning them into a deeper chamber. Inside a massive ballroom, the party faced a squad of puppet catboy soldiers, controlled by a nearby mind flayer. Mara and Pappy tore through the soldiers while the spellcasters aimed for the mind flayer. Before Mara could close in and take him out, however, the mind flayer used its psionic powers to scramble Baja, Furn, and Pappy's brains, rendering them confused for the rest of the fight. Eventually, Mara was able to punch the mind flayer so hard in the butt that its head exploded. Baja, freed from his confusion, discovered a magic ring in the mind flayer's pockets while Furn knife spammed in the corner.
The next room, a huge, ornate kitchen, presented a different challenge for the party. Inside were three cooking stations, one gold, one silver, and one copper. Nearby were three sets of cooking utensils, similarly gilded, alongside statues of an orc, an elf, and a tabaxi. Searching around, Pappy discovered a cookbook, which, after a long personal anecdote that had nothing to do with the subject matter at hand, explained:
Each kitchen has a unique chef. One chef only uses copper cookware, one only uses silver, and one only uses gold. Assign each chef to their station with their proper cookware. Ingredients: the Tabaxi and elf are jealous of each other and refuse to work side by side; the orc will only work at the silver station; the Tabaxi does not use gold cookware; the copper cookware works only with the gold kitchen; the orc works to the right of the elf.
After some careful deliberation, the party managed to assign each chef to their respective stations and utensils. The statues magically came to life, pushing Pappy out of the way while they cooked a five-star meal. The chefs took their steaming cloches into the next room, an obsidian dining hall offset by stark, dark oak chairs. Following closely behind, the Focussed Group watched in horror as a massive tuxedo-clad ape appeared. Before anyone could react, Bobo the Blood Ape slammed his fists into the iron table, removing a huge shard, which he then threw at Driver. The tiefling gunslinger was down in an instant, orange blood pouring from his right eye and the stump of one of his horns. Bobo fell upon the party with the divine wrath only a true blood ape could express. Fueled by vengeance, Mara and Baja landed excruciating blows on the ape. Baja was finally able to use his influencer knife, which lowered Bobo's defenses and also turned his right arm into cake.
The Focussed Group continued whaling on the ape until he lay dead on the ground, half-turned into ape cake, which Baja and Pappy both tried and kind of enjoyed. Mara, attempting to heal Driver, suggested he try it, to which Driver responded by saying he would probably rather die. Furn healed Driver substantially and the party moved through the next door, fearful of more blood apes but only encountering a nearly empty library. Only one shelf held a handful of scrolls. At the center of the library stood a pedestal, glimmering runes engraved upon its surface. I'm a little drunk writing this and I can't remember what the actual riddle was but it was day and night. kid cudi. im laughing again just thinking about it. Anyways the Focussed Group got that shit done and moved on.
Sunlight poured into the next room, a greenhouse of unmatched splendor, where enormous trees stretched beyond sight and the fragrance of countless flowers calmed the Focussed Group, lulling them into a serene rest. Baja began to play a calming song on his bagpipes, Furn tried in vain to identify some of the more exotic plants present, and Delle's eyes went silly mode at the sight of dozens of birds and butterflies. The whole party was able to take a deep breath before the journey continued.
Finally, the party made their way through the last set of obsidian doors. Pappy and Delle doubled up and pushed the doors open, while Baja snapped in time like a greaser, Mara swung her quarterstaff in threatening circles, Driver sliced the pie with his rifle, and Furn choked on her own spit. There before them, in front of a shattered obsidian throne, stood Kiku.
It was what surrounded Kiku that caught the Focussed Group’s attention. Each party member (save for Driver) recognized it instantly as a Shadestorm, yet none of them could remember how they knew that or what exactly the word meant. The Shadestorm rippled malevolently, white light moving like negative shadows beneath its unyielding surface. Kiku’s hands, enslaved to the rings, were blackened and charred by the Shadestorm’s energy.
Kiku, seemingly undeterred by the Shadestorm, challenged the adventurers, vowing to put an end to them. The Focussed Group responded in kind, attacking as one. Kiku’s power proved more than a match for their initial attack; using the power of the rings, the tabaxi crime lord absorbed the damage of incoming spells and summoned hardlight doubles to harass her foes.
The battle wore on, and each lightning strike and obsidian blade wielded against the party brought them closer to defeat. Mara, Pappy, and Baja held fast on the front lines, desperately trying to destroy the rings, while Delle and Furn provided support from a distance. At last, after Mara and Baja’s relentless assault, one through incredible amounts of physical violence, the other through crafty musical magic and some harsh insults, Pappy brought his battleaxe down on Kiku’s final hardlight shield and shattered it, destroying the rings and sending Kiku to the ground.
It was at this moment the Shadestorm grew to critical mass, threatening to tear the entire castle apart. Kiku, finally graced with a moment of clarity, pleaded with the party to sever her connection to the Shadestorm before it consumed her. After a brief team huddle amid the howling storm, Pappy and Furn executed a cross maneuver on Kiku, removed her arms, and shared a nice little homie kiss. Miraculously, everyone survived the Shadestorm unscathed. Now freed from the imprisoning influence of the rings, Kiku broke down into tears, her hands removed but her life spared.
The throne room, along with the long-partying city outside, fell silent, as Kiku regarded her situation and Driver laid down on the floor. The Focussed Group pondered what their next move would be. The nearby shards of Kiku's rings began to reform, sparking and morphing into one singular artifact, prompting a closer look from Pappy and Baja. The two deduced the artifact was largely similar to the worm they had found, but somehow different. Eager to learn more, Baja cast legend lore, and learned the worm was "a vassal of darkness, a paradox of evil, from outside and before." As Furn took the captured worm out of her bag to gauge its reaction to the ring, Kiku gazed in astonishment, muttering that "they had really done it." The party watched as the worm and ring began to gravitate towards one another, pulling across the obsidian floor.
Sensing Kiku's distress, Mara knelt down and asked the Catsuka boss for any information on the strange events coinciding with their missions. Kiku, sadly, had something akin to the same amnesia as the rest of the world but for a few exceptions: one, she remembered being entrusted with the Sustaining Artifacts as a means to combat the Shadestorm alongside Shin, the King of Texas, Megamind, and others. Kiku also remembered succumbing to the corrupting influence of the Shadestorm locked inside her artifact, divulging her current state was only because they had run out of any other options. The Shadestorm, it seems, had consumed every other continent on the planet fifteen years ago, leaving Fuckburg stranded in the Emerald Sea.
At this point Driver piped up from the floor, reminding the party their mission was unsanctioned and that he was unsure if they could even return to the Focus Group. This reminded Mara to ask Kiku what she knew of the Queen, which, mysteriously, was even less than the Focussed Group knew. The wielders of the Sustaining Artifacts, along with everyone else in Fuckburg, had no idea who the Queen was, where she came from, or how she came to power at all. In fact, they had no idea who the members of the Focussed Group were, as the party had completely blindsided them in Petra and Arbor, throwing their plans into disarray at every turn.
Somehow, the ring seemed to sense Kiku's actions, growing more and more agitated as she revealed more information. The party all ran into each other as they tried to bat the ring away with their staffs and other stick-like objects. Unsure of how to proceed, Kiku asked the party to take her with them; she knew how to get into the next kingdom, the Kingdom of Fire, and the mysterious laws one was expected to follow there. She also admitted, somewhat bashfully, that she no longer had a place to stay. After some debate, the party decided to smuggle her out of Lucien and head for Ice Hole. Before they left, Pappy decided to try and pick up the ring and use it as a septum piercing. The artifact instantly shocked him with a burst of lightning, showing him static images of chaos and destruction wrought by the Shadestorms.
On their way out of the city, the Focussed Group stopped by to see Oober and Doober, turning the city over to the Obsidian Tigers. They spent the next few days traveling back to Ice Hole, hiding in the wilderness from their former allies, awaiting the trials to come.